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13th November 2006

1:15am: Yo Yo yo, back in the business at Sunshinesusan.
sweet.
I need quotes. does anyone have any good quotes?

17th October 2005

12:03pm: I'm back
Hey. I'm not sure if i will be back on this regularly. But I wanted to say Hello to all those who wrote to my last post. You are great.
There have been a lot of wierd things going on, it's waking up and realizing that there is something you can't control in your life that
is affecting you more than you think. In fact it is your life and you wonder how you managed to never realize that you are not in control
of your percieved actions.

Good morning. The dreams are coming.

14th September 2004

11:15am: This will probably be my last update in a while.

I may start a new journal. Or I may kill all online journals.

Anyway, if you still want to hear from me, hit this, and give me your email or phone number.

thanks.

-Your Samo

25th August 2004

10:53am: it's been a blast being back,
hanging with aviva, connie, Julia, Heidi, Danny, Phil, Hanna, the people from alphabet, dylan a few times, carlos, meeting sean, and Dan, and Ben, and Chris and Christoff, and Satsuko, and Anna and other people.
Been also working with Tomo and Maggie, Yuka and Steven, and yesterday with Dan(takashi) and our boss Robert for sometime.


I'm also really disappointed in some of the people I thought were good friends of mine, though.

I've realized this year has taken a lot out of everyone, and while I am growing into something I am becoming increasingly more proud of, I feel like the others along the way are becoming more and more hypocritical, and lying to me to my face.

Which is a fact of life, yes, but then don't expect me to trust you.

it was a wierd weekend, full of kareoke and the bunch. Slept at Phil's house, and saw many naked men in Chelsea.

I am still trying to figure out how to get back to school.
Cause I don't really see a point in going to a school that doesn't really teach you shit.hum.
well at least it's my last year. too bad it's a waste of money.

12th August 2004

9:55am: In NY,
I've never felt the need to be so indefinitely.

3rd August 2004

11:14pm:

HEIDI, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!

2nd August 2004

11:44pm: Alex inspired me to post a song....
That's just what you are
By Aimee Mann

In our endeavor we are never seeing eye to eye
No guts to sever so forever may we wave goodbye
And you’re always telling me that it’s my turn to move
When I wonder what could make the needle jump the groove
I won’t fall for the oldest trick in the book
So don’t sit there and think you’re off of the hook
By saying there is no use changing ’cause

That’s just what you are
That’s just what you are

Acting steady always ready to defend your fears
What’s the matter with the truth, did I offend your ears
By suggesting that a change might be a thing to try
Like it would kill you just to try and be a nicer guy
It’s not like you would lose some critical piece
If somehow you moved point a to point b
Maintaining there is no point changing ’cause

That’s just what you are
That’s just what you are

Now I could talk to you till I’m blue in the face
But we still would arrive at the very same place
With you running around and me out of the race


So maybe you’re right, nobody can take
Something older than time and hope you could make
It better, that would be a mistake
So take it just so far

’cause that’s just what you are
That’s just what you are
That’s just what you are

Acting steady always ready to defend your fears
What’s the matter with the truth, did I offend your ears
You’re like a sleepwalking man, it’s a danger to wake you
Even when it is apparent where your actions will take you

That’s just what you are
And that’s just what you are
That’s just what you are
That’s just what you are
Current Mood: mischievous

1st August 2004

8:28pm: You make me smile with my heart.

not.

I mean, you do, but, my heart doesn't have lips really. I mean there are other lips then these, but those don't really smile either...I mean, shit.

I didn't want to be crude. I don't usually bring up parts of female anatomy in conversation.

So, I love you.

I mean.

shit.

lemme start over.

I love you, ok?

no. not with the ok.

I mean.

I love you.

i mean it.

Did a purple alien all of a sudden grow out of my frontal lobe?

Now would be a good time to say something.

wammmwammmp

Well it's going to be a pretty slow conversation if it goes that way.

wammmm wammm wammm wammmp

Because you shine like nothing else in my life.

wammmm...

and you have such a wonderful....intonation...

wammm wammm wammm


*dialogues with an instrument*

23rd July 2004

3:15pm: Getting lots of mixed signals, and I feel like I'm being played with by the man-of-no-games. Who knows. Maybe I'm just not understanding something?


I NEED TO GO BACK TO NYC!!!!!!

Or i will die of lack of blood!












I NEED TO SUCK BLOOD.

ok. that was creepy. that's not what i meant.......what?

20th July 2004

5:23pm: rock and roll is bitchin, yeah yeah....
5:02pm: I hide from what's inside of all these mysteries abide i refuse to confide in anybody outside of what I think is bonafide trustworthy.

muah.

I had a dream I had long hair. I keep having that dream and yet my hair keeps retracting into my head. Lucky it's showing some progress.

anyway I want to say something.


but i forget. shit. oops.

19th July 2004

12:12pm: Thanks friends for your comments.

Now I must sleep.

18th July 2004

11:46pm: I feel like I'm tiptoeing around. I have to stop.

I feel like I'm too demanding of a person, too needy.
Psychologically this is linked to the fact as a child I was abandoned and not given much time or love because I was the second child.
or other bull crap.

I have so many confessions to make and less time for people to listen or care about them.

I want to talk about what I did today, but I have to hit the sack.

will write tommorrow.

love. and hi.


and H, he said "I miss you too."

16th July 2004

11:12pm: I'm thinking of starting a small business. if i have time.

12th July 2004

2:10pm: I miss sleeping without you

11th July 2004

9:15pm: ....beep....


Hi this is Sam. If you call me on my phone I may not/ probably will not pick up. Unless you are Coldstone, or a member of my immediate family not including sister. I am unfortunately not taking any phonecalls until further notice due to........



....beep....

8th July 2004

8:53pm: So i come down this morning at around a quarter to one, sick as a goat, and ask mom if she might be able to call Sarah Cardwell cause otherwise I'll be living in Hillhouse next year.

After a ton of screaming she calls Sarah Cardwell, and it turns out Sarah Cardwell, Kathy Kramer, and Beverly Fox, all promised my mom in December that I'd be living on Campus this year. I did not know this. However, when my mom calls Sarah Cardwell, Sarah Cardwell says that I listed Hill house as possible housing for me. (yeah, like last? and what else was available? Like living in the sports hall?) So my mom reprimands me and I tell her that I didn't think I'd have any other options, but being sick as I am now, I realize I don't want to be in Hillhouse, allergic to cold, and having to walk 15 minutes through snow to class if it's at Bates.


Now, for those of you who don't know, I have a severe allergy to cold weather which causes me to completely swell up into a custard apple. Which is not a good thing. Then I start to choke because my lungs start to close and then it gets worse cause I start having trouble breathing. Yadeeda.

So anyway she calls Sarah Cardwell back and Sarah Cardwell tells my mom " You have to have proper documentation for her illness" and stuff like that. my mom gets ticked because Sarah Cardwell says I should have just written on my thing that I couldn't live in Hillhouse and that I was asthmatic (which I didn't know I had a possibility to do, or that I had an option of living anywhere else, or that they had promised my mom that i wouldn't die next year, or blah blah.) So she blamed me.


Side note: For some reason this woman hates me. When I met her, I thought she was a nice woman, and she seemed a bit intimidating, but nice. Then she threatened Brad. Then she threatened Pocky and Olivia. She threatened Emma. And Jake. I mean Jake? He probably wouldn't even slap a mosquito. And Pocky and Oli? They are like the most innocent looking kids i know in the world. And now they have like a criminal record with the housing director. So what, she doesn't make me RA. So what I get a lousy housing number. but to deprive me of living on campus after my mom had called, I hadn't known about this promise, but to promise my mom that i would live on campus and then not do that......


let's see where else SLC has made this mistake of housing....


Oh. Perfect example. Unfortunately Macracken singles only go to Seniors and juniors and really lucky sophomores. And one should have gone to an extremely lucky freshman who is a) allergic to smoke from marijuana and cigarrettes, b) needed a single and c) is handicapped. Patti instead was placed in the New Dorms which is notorious for it's smoke, for it's loud noise. Luckily it had easy access for Patti, and she had a single, but the noise? the smoke? and she couldn't even get to Bates or the science center if she had classes.

It's too bad.

Well now we are up against a lot and i hope people dont hate me after all of this.


ok i'm out. good night.

7th July 2004

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>YOU BETTER RUN FOR IT.

5th July 2004

11:50pm: No interesting emails.

An ok day at work.

Got conned again by Rick the Pan Handler. Maybe he will do what he promised.

Saw the guy who Annie thinks is gay. Kenny says he thinks this guy is my special friend. haha. maybe, it seems gay guys or soon to be gay guys are attracted to me.
hence the moral of this story : will never end up getting married.

Made many many icecreams.

Amy rox my sox with Kill Hannah and her other musical preferences. I had to say musical preferences.

I'm bored. I want to party with Viva and Cara again. That was fun.

And I really feel like going to Drum circle, only with H to the izzo...if she would come with...but she's not here!

And I really want to kiss him....shit. wait no. wait yes. wait....fuck. yes I want to. Shit.....I mean....Don't listen to me. I really miss him, and am wondering if i did the right thing.

I wish I didn't think too much.

I wish I didn't eat so much.

Yet I'm 6 pounds lighter then school size.

I want to make a movie about Rick the Pan handler. I think I'll get Kevin to help me.

I really want to go back to NY and hang out at a club with H to the Izzo.

I want to play pool with Vijay.

I want to hang out at a coffee shop with Connie.

I want to go to the beach with Connie.

I want to kiss ________. Fuck there i go again.

I want to eat all you can eat sushi with Johan.

I want to hang out with Danny at Coldstone.

I want to chill with Amy and do the duck.

I want to make fun of Annie's violent tendencies.

I want to poke people that I work with.

I want to watch auditions tommorrow.

oh. at least I will do one of those tommorrow.


























H. what do i do about him?
Current Mood: contemplative
1:49am: nod twice during every hey.


Hey, hey, hey, hey,
fuck the rights, dump the bitch, ho-slay,
eat out of the hand on cum sucker day
woop the ass of a lousy lay

hey hey hey hey
you're such a dumbass for being so lame
Don't even try you're stupid ass games
waste away stone fucker I'm tired of the blame

hey hey hey hey
die die die die die


ok.


*nodding still.*

I'm not mad silly, I'm just in a funny mood.


but i like being single.

kind..of.

3rd July 2004

2:14am: today was

H TO THE IZZO'S BIRTHDAY!

just to let all you know. even though you do already.

that means Heidi Tucker, resident of HIll house, freshmen graduate of this year, whose going to be living in Taylor next year, had her birthday today.

so wish her cheers at turpentinekiss

I think this link will work.

ok.

smaps.

6th June 2004

1:19pm: I feel like I've forgotten everything, been drugged, thrown in the back of a truck and made to wander through the heat wave back home. And then I realize, shit, I am home. It's just a bit wierd like that today.

And I never learned to spell that word. And I don't care.

And yesterday I saw K and her grad party was fab and I wanted to cry cause this year was not a dance hooplah, because she wasn't there, and then I thought. Hum. It's ok. Life is moving, Let go of the branch. and we drifted down stream together and she laughed at my hair because a flower had tangled in it.

On another note, he called! and I smiled. But i missed it. But it still made me want what i can't have... the apartment.



















....and loads of garments, calling " Sam, I want to be there too!".

23rd May 2004

9:50pm: You're crazy, so fucking crazy you're momma thought you were her freakin dildo.....
Thanks to you all who called me today, it was wonderful, even though i didn't really do anything special for the big 19.

H to the izzo: Hey girl, I miss you so, neva eva eva gonna let you go! hehehe, I've been thinking about you! What we gonna do next year? Danny wants to know if you want to live off campus on Midland with him and me and johan? I don't know?! Thanks for callin me, I felt so much better after you called. And Brad said he thought it was funny how you reminded him to call me, his exact words "as if I'd forget!".

Moose and Pocky: I grouped you guys together cause you are together right now! hehee. You are probably still flying man! I hope the flight ain't too bad. Thanks for the msgs they made my day a lot brighter and funnier. I miss you two already you were so much fun to hang out with! See you in Floridddida!

A Dawg: Thanks man! You d'a'man! If I stay here you got to come visit me and we'll party like...umm...potatoes! hehe. It was nice to talk to you again. I couldn't go out cause I'm with my G'mere but thanks for inspiring me to at least smile today. Cheer bro!

Connie: Sorry I didn't get to talk to you, it's too late now, I have to go sleep. I'm sorry I've been kinda busy lately, especially these past few days have been insaneo. How have you been?


Hamster: When you called I thought you were my sister till i heard your voice. It was amusing. Thanks for calling, sorry I didn't really feel like talking. I miss you, you're vibrant personality and you provide much intellectual conversation. haha. your so silly.


And to everyone else who forgot my birthday, it's ok. I forgot too. My parents reminded me when they called this morning. And my grandma put a candle in an oreo and sang to me. So much singing.
1:50pm: So. I may be staying. I may be going. My parents keep changing their mind.

I need to ask Jessica Watson if I can stay with her maybe for a while.

Maybe she'll say yes. I don't know.

MOm's friend is asking lots of people/.

It's been embarassing. So much money. so much time. So much pride...lost.

does it matter.

I don't know. I'm ....
i don't know.

watching tv. til lthe phone call comes.
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